Cars that died in 2012… Finally
Updated May 5, 2015
The Grim Reaper Test Drove Cars That Deserved To Die and Hopes They Burn In Hell
When it comes to new cars, they are like sitcoms. You try and build and listen to a focus group and continually revamp designs all while you invest millions. By the time the car gets built nobody wants the damn thing. Some vehicles are unique while others are a poor attempt in design as they are re-badged from another vehicle. So let’s take a look at the vehicles that we will hopefully never see again.
Chevrolet HHR – This is a baby hearse on wheels and looks like a coffin will fall out at any time. It seems like it was a good idea at the time but turned into a Frankenstein of shit. Low quality, Flintstones and Jetsons styling somehow, and just an overall bad look makes me glad to see this abomination go.
Buick Lucerne – Was cause for concern. Buick kept building these increasingly lousy and ugly cars, year after year. The only buyers I saw were either the elderly that were too blind to see or Asians that were too blind to see and loved Tiger Woods. This marks the end of the malaise for Buick…hopefully.
Jeep Compass – Got lost in the forest of suck and could not reemerge. It was given refreshed looks recently but still could not entice enough individuals to purchase this or the Dodge Caliber. And both of them needed to go due to the fact that they embarrassed us in public.
Jeep Patriot – If you’re going to name a vehicle Patriot then it better install fear in the Red-Coats but instead it was just laughter as this ugly duckling looked like it had a lazy eye that would wonder. Instead of making the Iconic boxy Cherokee they make this thing that is less capable off-road and way uglier. This is another Jeep “what were you thinking” moment.
Mitsubishi Eclipse – When we first received the Mitsubishi Eclipse it was instantly a success. It was also the car for hot girls when I was in high school. You could always spot the future tramp stamp candidates as these were mobile signs that said loose morals. Today however Mitsubishi has performed a kamikaze maneuver and turned this abomination into what I can only describe as a “Nerd” from the Wonka candy franchise.
Ford Crown Victoria – This one I am a little sad to see go. The reason being is that this was an inexpensive means to a luxury car. It was also the standard Police cruiser so I learned the shape of the headlights and silhouette of vehicle for when I was roaming around at night at high speeds. This car put more baddies behind bars, got more elderly to the early bird special, and had more ugly rims placed on it by Urban African New Age Medicine Delivery Drivers than any other. I actually had a delivery driver friend that would buy one at auction for $500 and drive it thousands of miles before a $500 repair came due then he would simply go get another and sell his old one for scrap and save his $2,000 wheels for the next car.